EVERYONE
ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE
LITERALLY EVERYONE
IS PRIORITY!
Experience the revolutionary concept where EVERY passenger gets priority boarding*
*Terms and conditions apply. Priority subject to availability (not applicable to Boris Snotrochel). Fees may vary.
✈️
☁️ ☁️ ☁️
🚨 Live Flight Status 🚨
Flight PA-123 (Your Priority Flight)
Delayed by: 0 minutes
Reason: Calculating priority passenger fees
Why Choose Pronto Airways?
👑
Everyone is VIP!
Join our exclusive club of 100% priority passengers!
*Pronto ciao tutti BOSH!"💰
Transparent Pricing*
Base fare from €9.99! Additional fees clearly listed*
*See fee schedule for complete transparency🔒
Secure Login
Your password stored safely in our text files!
*Encryption optional, subject to processing fee
🎉 NEW: Breathing fee only €5 per minute! 💨 Seat belt rental available for €15.99! 🚨 Priority boarding for ALL priority passengers! 💺 Toilet paper surcharge reduced to €12.99! 🧻 BREAKING: Gravity compensation now mandatory! 🌍 NEW SERVICE: Pay €25 to think about your destination! 🧠 SPECIAL: Oxygen molecules now available individually! ⚛️ ALERT: Window viewing requires premium subscription! 🪟 UPDATE: Blinking fee introduced at €0.99 per blink! 👁️ HOT: Priority queue now has 2.3 million priority passengers! 👑 FLASH: Boarding pass printing costs increased to €45! 🖨️ NEWS: Complaining about fees now costs €199! 😤 URGENT: Smiling during flight requires happiness license! 😊 TRENDING: Standing in line fee reduced to €29.99! 🚶 EXCLUSIVE: Premium air quality available for €99/breath! 💨
Book Your Priority Experience
What Our Priority Passengers Say
"5 stars! Got stranded after accidentally putting diesel in my petrol car, but I was flown home PRONTO within 5 working days! Amazing priority service!"
"Got a tattoo of some random guy's name on my arm during my trip and now I can't wear short sleeves at work, but at least Pronto Airways got me home without crashing twice! Professional service!"
"I got so drunk that my friends kept stealing my bottles out of concern for my health, but Pronto Airways just gave me a Jägershot on arrival. True priority service!"
Our Transparent Fee Structure*
Basic Services
- Seat assignment: €25.00
- Seat belt rental: €15.99
- Oxygen access: €5.00/min
- Gravity compensation: €12.00
Premium Experience
- Priority confirmation: €29.99
- Boarding pass printing: €8.50
- Looking out window: €22.00
- Thinking about flying: €3.99
Convenience Fees
- Online booking: €19.99
- Phone booking: €39.99
- In-person booking: €59.99
- Telepathic booking: €99.99
*Fees subject to change. Additional fees may apply to fee viewing. Fee calculation fee: €14.99
Choose Your Priority Level
Priority Economy
€9.99*
- ✅ Basic priority access
- ✅ Standard breathing allocation
- ✅ Shared oxygen mask
- ❌ Seat guarantee
*Plus €200 in mandatory fees
Super Priority
€99.99*
MOST POPULAR!
- ✅ Enhanced priority access
- ✅ Premium breathing (3 breaths/min)
- ✅ Personal oxygen molecule
- ✅ Seat suggestion
*Plus €400 in convenience fees
Ultra Priority
€299.99*
- ✅ Ultimate priority access
- ✅ Unlimited breathing*
- ✅ Oxygen tank rental included
- ✅ Actual seat (subject to availability)
*Plus €800 in processing fees. *5 breath limit
Live Priority Queue Updates
#1,847,293
John D.
Currently boarding (since 2019)
#1,847,294
Sarah M.
Priority confirmed
#1,847,295
Mike R.
Breathing fee paid
#1,847,296
YOU!
Ready for priority experience!
🎉 You're only 1,847,295 priority passengers away from boarding!